“Senator Kassebaum and the Fact ~ People do not care how much you know ~ Until they know how much you care!””
Dear Bank of Prairie Village Shareholders and Clients ~
Recently I read a sign that said, “There are two types of people~ Those who enter a room and announce here I am ~ and People who enter a room and say Oh there you are!”
For reasons I did not understand, I wrote the sign’s wording down. Perhaps I was wondering which way people viewed me when entering a room. Perhaps, more specifically, I was wondering how much I had changed from my early self-aggrandizer days on Capitol Hill. As I have said before, “I will never be as smart as I thought I was during my early days on Capitol Hill.”
When I started on Capitol Hill, like every new staff member, I thought I was going to change the world. It was a given, virtually all the Senate staff on Capitol Hill were either very smart ~ or at least very well-connected~ both of which could be intimidating. Accordingly, and particularly among the male staffers, testosterone was never in short supply. Hence, most new staffers led with their chins and tried to generate a superiority vibe or at least intimidation as to how important they were.
Many new staffers felt simply by having a spot in a parking lot on New Jersey Avenue, and a Senate staff badge made them all powerful as to the insights of Capitol Hill.
Some Senate staffers never got over that mindset. However, the longer I was on Capitol Hill, I slowly learned the most influential and most effective of the Capitol Hill staffers were what I called “the affable but get things done” gang. They were warm, often disparaging of themselves, and always underestimated.
I was most fortunate to work for Senator Nancy Landon Kassebaum of Kansas, who once was herself a Senate Staffer to a Senator from Kansas. I am sure, as a staffer, Senator Kassebaum fell into the very effective and very underestimated category. My reasoning is not laborious. This is how she conducted herself as a Senator.
Senator Kassebaum, rarely called press conferences, and shied away from needless interviews. She loved doing opinion pieces where she would articulate the complexities of a major issue or legislation and then detail her reasoning and thoughts about it.
Naturally, Senator Kassebaum’s staff, or at least those who stayed long, learned to adopt her approach and manner.
Perhaps her greatest strength was her ability to bond with constituents. She did this not by making grand statements on policies or reciting cable news headline talking points, but merely by being curious about constituents, “Where they were from, what they did, who their family was, and how their family was doing?”
After a while I noticed she asked the same questions, not only to rural Kansas constituents coming to the office to pick up Senate Gallery passes, but to the Big CEOs, and Cabinet Secretaries who were coming by her office to lobby on a particular bill or nomination. It was as if she truly cared and wanted to know about everyone with whom she came in contact.
Early in my time with the Senator, “the get to know you” questions drove me crazy. As her loyal staffer, I viewed myself as a policy guy and hated to spend 20 minutes of a scheduled 30-minute meeting listening to some CEO run through his family ~ down to his grandchildren. I just wanted to get to his/her point and the Senator either agree or disagree with the CEO ~ so I could jot down their position and what I viewed as the strong and weak points which I could summarize in my follow up memo.
Eventually, after gaining wisdom (perhaps after learning the joys of changing diapers) ~ I realized, how simply by caring about people, Senator Kassebaum was able to make a major impact. In short, I realized after they developed a 20-minute rapport with her, the CEOs would drop their facades and simply spoke to her like a friend. As the meeting came to an end with few minutes remaining the CEO would come to his/her point, dropping all their industry talking points and tell the Senator what they really thought about the legislation ~ and why. Their personal insights were the real essence of what they wanted to convey~ and not the flowery public relations firm points they were told to say.
Likewise, even when the Senator disagreed with the CEOs, I could tell they really listened to what she had to say and were definitely contemplating her takes and insights even in legitimate disagreement.
Slowly, but surely, working with the Senator, I learned to make my relationship with fellow staffers less combative and more like respected friends trying to reach a solution. The first step of course was to drop the intimidation and self-aggrandizement and simply learn who the other staffers were, where they came from, and who their families were. In short, I started asking the same question Senator Kassebaum asked everyone around her.
At some point after a conference when I just could not get the committee staffers to agree to a key point my Senator wanted in a bill, I dejectedly bought two books on sales persuasion at the then Senate Tabacco and Sundries Store. (Yes, back then there was such thing.) The first book was entitled, “How to Swim with the Sharks without being Eaten Alive” by Harvey McKay. The second was “See you at the Top” by Zig Zigler.
The thesis of both books was that before you can persuade someone you must first develop a relationship. The best way to build a relationship was to get to know them as if they were going to be lifelong friends. Put simply by Zig Zigler, “People do not care how much you know ~ until they know how much you care.”
Like a lightbulb going off, I suddenly understood how Senator Kassebaum was so effective, while maintaining her genuine authenticity. She simply cared about so many people and wanted to understand them. This enabled her to learn their true feelings and enabled her, in turn, to express her candid views in a respectful manner. Whether the other person ended up agreeing or not, they always respectfully listened carefully to her points.
When talking to the Senator, the person with whom she was interacting always felt as if they were the most important person from whom she wanted to hear ~ and they were.
By contrast, I watched other Senators go through the motions of asking constituents the normal questions about where you are from etc. ~ but you could tell from their posture and wandering eyes they were just going through the motions. In short, it is very unauthentic ~ and often just done for sound bites or camera shots.
Having watched Senator Kassebaum, and then read Zig Zigler and Harvey McKay’s books, I realized genuinely caring about people around you is not necessarily something to which someone is born. It is a life skill. Like any worthwhile skill, it can be improved with effort, concentration, and discipline. It is a skill that should be introduced and taught in Business Schools and all academic settings.
Recently there’s a Business Schools trend offering “Sales Certificates.” I applaud this new approach. As a great mentor Jack Lockton Sr. said, “Nothing Happens in Business without a Sale.” That said, Jack Lockton around me, made me feel important and seemed genuinely interested in who I was and what I thought. He was both a great businessman ~ and salesman, but I believe he was great at both because he constantly wanted to know “What is going on with you? Are you succeeding? Are you happy? Do you love what you do?”
In short, I know many great salespeople, who seem painfully shy, and those who are both boisterous and flashy. However, the one quality they all seem to have is making you feel important to them. They genuinely care about the person in front of them. By genuine caring they get the chance to in turn let the person hear what they are saying and to persuade them.
Naturally, what I am saying goes against everything happening in today’s “tweet and post” society. People of all stripes are more likely to state their opinions and then wait to hear if anyone agrees with them ~ tuning out those that don’t.
Perhaps, I am wishing for a bygone era, but I still think in business, politics and social engagement, (and for that matter high school and college dating) one will be far more successful, caring about people first and then persuading them second ~ at least if one is trying to build successful and lasting relationships.
Perhaps to refresh Zig Zigler’s hallmark statement, as we go into the glorious Spring Season ~ Remember ~ “People don’t give a damn what you think ~ until they know you give a damn about knowing who they are and what they think!”
The corollary of course, is like the coming Flowers, that can’t bloom without the necessary Spring rain, we must learn not to share our opinions or ask for something until we have assured the person with whom we are speaking with we genuinely care about them and how their day is going. It might just be as simple as giving a genuine smile of appreciation they are taking the time to listen to you.
With that in mind let’s enjoy a glorious Spring full of blooming trees, flowers and new friends!
(Sidenote, when leaving Capitol Hill, the political newspaper, The Hill, ranked Senator Kassebaum’s Staff as being the most underestimated in the Senate. I, and I think the rest of her Staff, as well as the Senator took that citation as a major compliment.)
Dan Bolen ~ Chairman
Bank of Prairie Village
“The Bank of Prairie Village ~ Home of Blue Lion Banking” ~ cited March 2020, April 2021, April 2022, April 2023 and April 2024 by the by the Kansas City Business Journal as one of the “Safest Banks in Kansas City for Your Money.”
Small Batch Banking ~ Once Client at a Time.
