“Fruit Flies, Biology Labs, the Malthus Trap, and Collegiate Guilt.”
23 Oct 24
Dear Bank of Prairie Village Community~
Between Labor Day and Halloween, I find it hard to arise from my morning bed. Just as I’m getting used to arising at Sunrise, the Sunrise no longer wants to arise on my time schedule. I call this interval after Labor Day and before we reset our watches the “Snooze” Season~ perhaps because every morning during this interval I keep hitting my alarm snooze.
Rather than condemning myself as a “work sloth” who can’t get out of bed, I simply remind myself, with the annual coming “clock turn back”, morning arising will soon become much easier.
Sometime during this recent snooze season, I found myself scrolling the morning news on my phone.
For no reason, I stopped on a story about a new experiment NASA planned. Reading the story, I learned the NASA geniuses were going to conduct a test involving zero gravity and “Fruit Flies” in the Space Station.
Suddenly I involuntarily burst into a grin and then uncontrolled laughter. Still half asleep, my rational brain was trying to figure out why I found the “NASA Fruit Fly” story so damn funny. Gradually the memory came roaring back.
It was some 45 years ago, during my college junior year~ in my one and only College Lab assignment. The course was in Biology. I signed up thinking it would be “Easy A” ~ not realizing a Friday Afternoon Lab was involved.
The Lab course was held in an ancient KU Building called “Snow Hall.” I am pretty sure the Lab looked identical to what my grandfather must have seen when he attended KU in 1924. I remember lime color tiles on the walls and rows of test tubes all over the place. The one good thing about Snow Hall was the North windows overlooked Potter’s Lake and the Football Stadium. Nice view.
I quickly secured a back desk so I could stare out the window. As the class filled, an underclassman named Tommy, asked if could sit with me. I recognized him, said sure and then asked if he realized this class had an afternoon lab associated with it. He just gave me a dumb grin and said, “Whatever.”
The Professor marched in, announced this would be an eight-week lab and we’d work with partners. I nodded to Tommy acknowledging we were about to embark on an eight-week adventure. Then came “The Assignment.”
Each team, was given a test tube which the professor announced contained “4 Fruit Flies” and a small amount of very measured “sugar water.”
According to the Professor we were to 1) come back every Friday as a team pair, 2) put a cotton ball with a small amount of Chloroform over the Test Tube to sedate the Fruit Flies, 3) count the Fruit Flies in our test tube, 4) refill the sugar water to the original level 5) reinsert the sedated Fruit Flies, 6) write down the number of Fruit Flies each week in an assigned journal and then 7) return our “Fruit Flies Test Tube” to the assigned rack.
With that the Professor showed us the Chloroform, the Cotton Balls, the Sugar Water Container, the Eye Dropper to extract and refill the Sugar Water and the Tweezers with which were to handle the Fruit Flies. He then dismissed the class.
Tommy started to get up and leave. I grabbed his arm and asked him to hang back. I waited until the classroom was empty.
Tommy, I said, I do not know about you, but I’m not coming in every Friday afternoon to count sedated Fruit Flies.
I picked up our “Fruit Fly Test Tube” and motioned Tommy to follow. I went to an open window, pulled the cap off the test tube and watched our 4 Fruit Flies happily fly away in the warm breeze.
Tommy’s eyes bugged out of his head. “Bolen, what the hell are we going to do now?” I said, “Tommy Relax. This whole Fruit Fly experiment has to do with Malthusian Economic Theory.” Again, panic crossed Tommy’s face. “Bolen, this is Biology not Economics. We got to steal another test tube and get some Fruit Flies back since you let ours fly away.”
Again, I calmed Tommy down. “Tommy, Malthus was some 18th Century philosopher who wore a wig and was convinced population growth unchecked would outstrip the food supply~ resulting in everyone dying in war and famine. All the old professors are really into this whole end of the world thing. They talk about this Malthusian Trip in Psychology, Sociology Economics, Political Science, History and now apparently in Biology. They love this doom and gloom scenario where everyone dies in the end.”
Tommy is now hyper-ventilating ~ “Bolen what does this have to do with our Fruit Flies? I must get at least a C in this class, or I am done at KU.”
I assured Tommy, he was going to get a “C” in this lab.
“What we are going to do Tommy is give this old professor what he wants. I am going to get a calendar, some spreadsheet paper and write down how we religiously came to this Lab every Friday and counted Fruit Flies.
In our spreadsheet, our Test Tube Fruit Fly Population will increase every week for 6 weeks like a hockey stick. Then on 7th Week we are going to observe all the Fruit Flies died. We are going to theorize they died for lack of food.
I will do the whole thing I just need you to sign it when we submit it for Week 8. We can spend our Friday afternoons at ‘The Wheel’ drinking Coors instead of sedating mortally doomed Fruit Flies. What do you say?”
As promised, I wrote down a fictitious weekly journal, being very specific and elaborate about our Fruit Fly “counting.” Tommy signed it and we handed it in.
At the final class, the professor complimented the Blackburn/Bolen team as the only pair who managed to keep the experiment going the entire 7 weeks without prematurely killing all our fruit flies. The professor also complimented our theory that although the Fruit Flies initially thrived for the first 6 weeks, in the 7th week, the flies ran out of food, and all met their demise. The Professor then rambled on about “The Malthusian Trap” and world famine in 20 years.
The Blackburn/Bolen team received an “A+” while no one else received higher than a B. (The others over sedated Fruit Flies with too much Chloroform.)
Out of the Building Tommy, announced “Bolen I never got an A in college.” Then he became introspective. “Bolen do you feel guilty we aced the class and never did the project?”
My response was simple. “Tommy, we saved 4 doomed Fruit Flies from certain chloroform death. The professor is happy his Fruit Fly experiment ‘proved’ his beloved Malthusian Trap Theory is real~ and Mankind is doomed.
Tommy, take the ‘A’ and view yourself as a ‘Fruit Fly Liberator’ who saved 4 Fruit Flies from a ghastly death in the name of academic research.”
Tommy smiled and said, “A Fruit Fly Liberator. I like that.”
As I again read, the proposed NASA Outer Space Fruit Fly Experiment article, I sighed with the pleasant thought that perhaps the offspring of our “4” liberated Fruit Flies may be on this next spacecraft for experiments and discoveries benefiting Humanity.
I hit the snooze alarm, happily dozing again with the thought that by liberating those “4 doomed Fruit Flies” perhaps their offspring would help save Mankind.
At work, later that day, I reflected on the fact by providing high service banking we are making our community and clients just a little better. Perhaps our work is not the same as “The Fruit Flies saving the Humanity”~ but we are working hard to do our small part. Why not work to make the world better?
As always, thank you so much for selecting us for the great privilege of being your bank and bankers.
Dan Bolen ~ Chairman
Bank of Prairie Village
913~707~3369 Cell
Dan.Bolen@BankofPrairieVillage.com
“The Bank of Prairie Village ~ Home of Blue Lion Banking” ~ cited March 2020, April 2021, April 2022, April 2023 and April 2024 by the by the Kansas City Business Journal as one of the “Safest Banks in Kansas City for Your Money.”
Small Batch Banking ~ Once Client at a Time.
